Where+I+Stand


 * I am** my mother’s daughter and my father’s daughter, a child of two, now separate, entities. I am a friend, a caretaker, and a sister of three. I am frustrated and constantly trying to prove myself: though I have yet to decide to whom. I am power hungry and strong willed with a mind that's hard to change. I am convinced I am climbing to the top, but I am constantly climbing the wrong way. I am a backwards thinker who does things in a manner confusing to most, but clear to me.

**I like** flying high on swing sets on fall days when the sky is perfectly blue and the air is crisp, but does not carry that cold winter chill. I like spring days when the grass is green and it is soft between my toes. This makes my mother happy, so she decides we'll take a backyard picnic: one including the Sour Cream and Onion Lays chips that I like the most. I like summer nights: running, sneaking barefoot across the golf course, not long after the sun has set. I like sitting on the white couch in the sun room at my grandfather’s house and reading childhood story books with him, even though I am no longer a child. I like rainy afternoons, curled up in my down comforter on the living room couch, watching a movie and talking with my sisters.

**I am tired of** being told that there is only one way to do things. I am tired of being told no by one when the world says yes. I am tired of letting myself down, and believing that I am not to blame. I am tired of being tired and having a constant urge to crawl back to bed when this world will go on without me. I am tired of standardized tests and schools that I cannot look at because I can't afford them.

**I do not care for** legalities and mothers that believe sidewalk chalk purveys a legitimate threat to their child’s wellbeing. I do not care for any item that claims to be zero calories or any item that believes Splenda is a legitimate substitute for sugar – it is not. I do not care for car rides exceeding the number of hours in a day or car rides that come close. I do not care for those who judge without attempting to switch their point of view first. I especially do not care for those who believe traditions are something to be squandered by administrative teams responding to overprotective parents.

**I'm in favor of** helping others and of baking cupcakes on birthdays for friends and acquaintances. I’m in favor of sisterhood being an unbreakable bond, and of babysitting girls instead of boys, as they are much more civil. I’m in favor of baking things with names like “super-brownie-fudge-Oreo-Reese’s-pretzel-chocolate takeover” and then eating them topped with fruit because I’m watching my nutritional intake.

**I believe** we are all capable of happiness if we stop believing that it is something we can own. I believe that every girl is a princess, and that if she is not being treated as such the relationship is not worth it. I also believe being a princess does not make one entitled to anything she does not work for. I believe “no” is not an option. I believe power is a state of mind and anyone who desires it may have it. I believe that if you do not follow your own dreams, someone else will hire you to build theirs – if you are lucky. I believe, “When you are good, bad things can still happen. And if you are bad, you can still be lucky.”- Barbara Kingsolver. And that is where I stand.